Making the Best of Your Worst

By Shannon Thompson

By profession, I am a mental performance consultant for athletes. Simply put, my job is to help people perform at their best as consistently as possible. Several times a day I ask athletes to describe “who” they want to be, and then we discuss who they’ve already been during their best performances. Based on this information an actionable “mental performance plan” is developed.

The mental performance plan process has been a very successful system. Well-constructed plans have been credited with numerous wins and breakthroughs, as well as greater satisfaction in the effort that the athlete has given. However, even the most thoughtful plan is not fool proof—especially considering the fact that the plan is designed to influence human emotion, perhaps the most volatile force on earth! Our inner lives are wildly unpredictable. An immeasurable list of influences combines to create our emotional climate. Sleep, diet, hydration, the weather, hormones, relationships, and our dispositions contrive and conspire to make us beautifully dynamic creatures. Therefore, in addition to developing a plan to cultivate a person’s best I also take time to get to know them at their worst. Specifically, I help them become clear how to perform well even when they feel down. How to get to know and leverage your “worst” is the focus of this article. I’ll discuss how you can identify and draw from these states and still perform as well, if not better than they do when they’re having an easier time emotionally.

I first became aware of the value of weakness during grad school. One afternoon, tired from lack of sleep and sick with a cold, I sat next to my friend, Danny Southwick (yes, the same Danny Southwick who contributes to this blog!). Miserable, lethargic, and inattentive, I viewed myself as flat (and likely contagious) company. “You’re really tired today, aren’t you?” Danny observed. Feeling apologetic I nodded. I felt like I was behaving far from my cheerful, upbeat self. “I like it!” he said, surprising me. “You’re really chill.” It had never occurred to me that on a day that I was feeling well below average, others might enjoy my company more than when I feel like I’m at my best.

Danny’s comment was a transformative one for me. His appreciation of my mellowness made me aware of other dimensions of myself that might be useful to my craft. Since then, on my tired, lack-luster days I’ve intentionally tapped into the slow version of myself. I’ve allowed more time when explaining my points, and have been more patient and thorough when asking questions. When I’m feeling sad, I’ve noticed that I’m better able to understand the sadness of others. During these times my compassion flows more gently. I have a greater ability to be present in someone’s low tide, and less of a tendency to try and pull them out. I’ve found that there is a strength in my weaknesses, which in some circumstances can be greater than when I feel strong.

The ability to notice one’s strengths within weakness has led to some successful performances for the athletes I work with. Sandra, a member of the golf team at Northern Arizona University, discovered that she performs well when she is tired, and preferably angry. She describes the moment that she discovered this: “I was mad because I’d expected to play nine holes, but then coach asked me to play eighteen in practice,” she told me. “I like to practice, but I had three tests that week, and I needed to get home to study.” Sandra found that her anger helped her focus, and her fatigue slowed her swing. She played one of her best rounds that day, and has since gone on to try to cultivate aspects of this difficult state for future tournaments.

In whatever craft we are involved with, we must remember that the point is not to feel good, but to do good. When we can identify the gifts made available to us within our differing (and sometimes difficult) states, our “best” becomes expansive. We are able to respond well in more circumstances, and potentially help more people. Also, our work is no longer at the mercy of our emotions. We become resilient by being able to draw upon one set of strengths when we are in one state, and another set in others.

The key to drawing our strengths out of our weaknesses lies is clarifying what these strengths are. Strengths are hard to find in yourself when you’re feeling down. So, this is an exercise best conducted when you’re feeling positive or neutral. Here are the steps I would suggest:

• Ask yourself, what do you think about and how do you feel in your body when you are not at your best (perhaps when you are sad, or angry, or experiencing self-doubt)? Who do you dread being? What mental or emotional state is most difficult for you? What energy is most present in your awareness during these times?
• Next, ask yourself, how could this energy be of benefit to my work (or whatever area of life is at the forefront of your mind as you read this piece)? For example, perhaps you can use irritation to speak up about something that is bothering you, or sadness to deepen your writing, or your fatigue to look into the eyes of a co-worker and empathize with his exhaustion.
• Finally, notice the good that comes from using the strength in your weakness. For example, perhaps the fatigue that caused you to acknowledge your co-worker led to a more comfortable relationship between the two of you. Maybe your sadness brought a new richness to your writing, or your anger fiercely focused your golf game. Write down what you notice. This will help you clarify how you used these strengths and increase the likelihood that you’ll use them again in the future.

To be a human on this earth is to be subject to variability. Mental training can improve our emotional consistency greatly, but no one is immune to difficult dips and fluctuations. When we can become clear about how to function well within these dips we deepen our resilience and expand our ability to contribute. I wish you compassion and curiosity throughout your emotional seasons. Riches lie within all of them. All you need to do is look.

About the Author 

Shannon Thompson is a mental performance consultant who specializes in high performance sport. Shannon holds a Masters of Applied Positive Psychology degree from the University of Pennsylvania.