“People always say “be true to yourself” but that’s misleading, because there are two selves. There’s your short term self, and there’s your long term self. And if you’re only true to your short term self, your long term self slowly decays.” (Anonymous)
Our goals in life have an inherent future focus. However, it’s action in the present that is the foundation for future-self’s success. This creates an interesting tension between present-self and future-self which can be problematic at times.
The problem arises because we are not the mechanical rational agents that some economic theories portray. In fact, the economist Richard Thaler from the University of Chicago won the Nobel prize in 2017 for demonstrating the cognitive flaws and biases inherent in human thinking that undermine our rational goal pursuit. In a television interview I saw with Thaler about retirement savings, he...
Do you want to do things perfectly?
I do. Striving for perfection is what high achievers do. The good is the enemy of the perfect: high achievers are never satisfied with what they’ve done. No matter how good they get, they are constantly searching for ways to get better. The Japanese call this kaizen— “continuous improvement.”
As legendary basketball coach John Wooden put it, it’s what you learn after you know it all that counts.
But more commonly, it is said that the perfect is the enemy of the good. This is also true. How so?
Because the secret to kaizen is short cycles of full-throated effort, followed by feedback and reflection, followed by an adjustment, leading to another round, and another, and another. In each cycle, you try your very best to reach perfection. You do as well as you possibly can before the clock runs out. You scan your email for typos before you send it, you think and rethink your...
We’ve all heard it. “Practice makes perfect.” But in the real world things work somewhat differently. Indeed, it is often the case that a person will work at the same job or carry out the same leisure activity—playing the piano, for instance, or golfing—for ten or twenty years and not be much better than after one or two.
The reason is simple: When people are first introduced to a job or a leisure activity, it takes them a certain amount of practice to reach an “acceptable” level of performance—one where there are no obvious failures and no glaring areas that need improvement—and then it takes a bit more practice to reach the point where they can execute that performance relatively effortlessly. But once they have reached this level of rather effortless achievement, improvement stops or slows to a crawl. We see this, for example, in school teachers who teaching...
Psychology has found two traits that consistently lead to success in a vast assortment of undertakings. One is intelligence. The other is self-control.
As it happens, there doesn’t seem much you can do to increase your intelligence, but your self-control can be improved. Self-control is therefore atop the list of things to cultivate in order to perform well. Self-control is essentially a matter of changing yourself, or of replacing one response with a different one.
Many people associate self-control with dieting, but that is only one of many applications (and far from the most effective use of self-control). It can involve controlling thoughts, emotions, and impulses, as well as task performance.
My research over the last couple decades has consistently found that self-control works like a muscle. Willpower is thus a kind of strength. Some people have stronger muscles than others — but even very strong people get tired sometimes and...
Living organisms differ from inanimate matter. Life is a teleological process. It must be maintained by a continual process of goal directed action. What is needed for survival for a given species is the result of evolution. If the needed action is not successfully taken, the organism or species dies. This applies to plants, the lower animals and humans. Humans, however, have one capacity beyond that of the lower life forms: we have the volitional power to choose our own goals. We have the power of reason which includes the capacity to form concepts and thereby create language. Through the process of thought we can consider alternatives and anticipate the consequences.
Goal setting theory was developed by Edwin Locke and Gary Latham. The theory, based on more than 1000 studies, explains how goals can be used to regulate and improve your performance.
Types of goals. There are four basic types of goals. They can be for behavioral (e.g.,...
No one wants to feel foolish. The emotion is an unpleasant one, usually comprised of some embarrassment, and the perception of having been negatively exposed. Encounters with foolishness are usually brief and uncomfortable at worst. However, our fear of foolishness is often exponentially greater than the actual consequences of having been foolish. I believe that the fear of foolishness is a dangerous mental trap that can undermine the quality of our lives outside of our awareness. Last week I wrote specifically about the damage that a fear of foolishness can cause. This affliction can impair innovation, impede learning, poison performance, kill individuality, undermine hope, and prevent connection. For those of you with raised eyebrows, I’m looking straight back at you with grave seriousness. But there’s good news: you can overcome the fear of foolishness. Read on to learn how.
Unlike many other mental obstacles, I believe the fear of...
There is something awe-inspiring about someone — an athlete, a musician, a chess master, even a doctor or architect — with extraordinary skill. These people seem to inhabit a plane far above what we mere mortals could aspire to, and it seems natural to conclude that they must possess some capacity the rest of us weren’t. Their achievements seems unattainable, and, indeed, it was thought during the 15th and 16th century that they were gifts of God. Today we tend to refer to it as natural talent, but it means the same thing — they got it, we didn’t.
Centuries ago, it would have been heresy to try to understand the details of God’s gift, so the focus was on enjoying the fruits of such gifts and on searching for individuals who possessed these gifts. Over time, however, scientific explanations based on genetic inheritance started to replace the notion of gifts of God, and these explanations...
A few years ago, I met a man named Coss Marte who taught me something important about leading a meaningful life. Coss, who lives in New York, used to be a drug dealer. But then he got arrested—and, a few years into his prison sentence, he landed in solitary confinement for thirty days. As he reflected on his situation in solitary, he realized that dealing drugs was a mistake. It was messing up the lives of people in his community. He wanted to be and do better. And he began to see how.
When he first got to prison, he helped some overweight inmates get in shape by teaching them exercises they could do in their cells. One guy lost 80 pounds and cried as he thanked Marte for his help. In solitary, Marte realized that that is what he wanted to do with his life—help people lead healthier lives. When he got out of prison, he launched ConBody, a successful fitness studio in New York.
For the past few years, I’ve interviewed dozens of people like...
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?
- Marianne Williamson
This winter I marched down the steps of the NAU Skydome, yellow cardboard sign in hand. On the sign I’d written inspiring phrases for the NAU women’s basketball team who would soon begin a game that evening – phrases we’d agreed describe the team at its best. I sat alone, a few rows above the bench. I hoped the team would see me, and I feared that they would. I was embarrassed to hold my sign. Eventually, once noticed, the players were hesitant to look too long, and nervous to smile.
Last summer, a dear, brilliant friend sat across from me. He’d spent the preceding hour describing his struggles, fears, and perceived inadequacies. Grateful...
If you’re like most people, chances are you consider yourself to be a fairly reasonable, level-headed person who makes wise decisions based on the facts. But, if you are in fact anything like most people, it turns out that the opposite is true: many of your decisions are impulsive, biased, and sometimes even irrational.
To prove the point, let’s play a quick game. I’ll share brief story, and will then ask you to fill in the blank:
I recently went to a fantastic vegetarian restaurant and the food was delicious! I had a salad and a sandwich, both of which I would recommend.
Now fill in this blank:
Now let’s do that one more time, but let me tell you another brief story first:
I recently stocked up on cleaning supplies but I forgot to buy both dishwashing and laundry detergent at the store! Dirty dishes and clothes are piling up quickly.
Now fill in this blank:
If you saw SOUP the first time and SOAP the second time, you just...
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